it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
