haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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