I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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