Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
