turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
