she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
