It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
