we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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