I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
