this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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