Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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