kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
