my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
