Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
