My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
