the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
