why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
