saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
