No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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