I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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