4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
