JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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