I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
