I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
