He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
