At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize