do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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