Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
