last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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