i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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