i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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