Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
