Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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