My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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