she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
