I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
