Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize