your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
