I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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