This is not my ceiling
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
