At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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