just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
