just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
