So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
