i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
