8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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