so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize