i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
