she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
