I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
