hotel room ftw
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
