can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
accomplished twins. life is a go
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
