So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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