Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
