i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
