i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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