You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
