we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
