the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
