her vagine was all disorganized.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
