I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
