yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
