i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
