we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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