Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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