We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
