i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
