dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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