You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize