I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize