I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
