Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's the barista slut.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
