Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
