i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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