Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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