I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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