I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
