having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
