I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
