Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
