I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize