I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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