I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
