we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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