so let's talk penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
