You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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