After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
