You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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