I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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