she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize