my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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