pop tarts are not kleenex
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
