A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
