If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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