So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
