When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
