I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
