I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
