Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
