I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i drank out of a bidet.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
