Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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