She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
